Challenges and learning outcomes from my work placement.

In this essay, I use Gibbs reflective model to discuss a challenging aspect of my work placement.  I outline the challenge addressed and my learning outcome. This model is chosen because it encourages a “clear description, an analysis of the situation, and options available” should a similar situation reoccur (79 Jasper).  As a result, my reflection informs and leads to better practices.

It was important that this placement was a good experience and it is, which meant a lot to me.  It had the right combination of learning outcomes in terms of “skills and competencies (cognitive, technical, resilience, beliefs about self, and social and communication), social networking” and experience relating to my “qualification.”

It also has all the right conditions of learning such as “respect”, “fairness”, “autonomy”, “intellectual challenge”, “support”, and “security” (Pollard 25).  My experience at SARC contrasted sharply with a prior experience the previous year that negatively affected my ‘sense of self as a learner’ (Pollard 15). 

I felt fear and anxiety.  I felt pressure and responsibility, due to the four individuals who gave of their time, energy, and enthusiasm and of my reporting line managers belief in me.  I felt so sick and nauseated.  Doubt deepened and I lost confidence. 

My thinking became negative.  What possessed me to think I could do this?  What if they think “this podcast is disastrous” and it doesn’t reach the standard of previous years?  I started to procrastinate, leaving the unedited recordings on my hard drive untouched. 

“A learning environment orientated around the centrality of learning encourages students to become ‘well-regulated learners … and to be able to regulate one’s emotions and motivations during the learning process”

(Pollard 103).

  Being self-directed challenged my self-belief and self-talk to push through the final stages of editing the podcast. I began to reflect on how excitement and enjoyment had changed into fear.  I realised I was comfortable with the practical and soft skill element of the project; meeting people, building rapport, being interested in each individual, scheduling interviews and setting up the recording studio. Being creative in a professional capacity and creating something on behalf of someone else is new to me.

These podcasts were no longer an assignment, between me and my lecturer. They were for public broadcast.  I realised that in an assignment setting I felt free to be creative. In the real broadcasting world, fear was causing me to block my own creative ideas about podcast editing, particularly around sound effects

With further reading, listening and reflection I realised that fear and vulnerability are part of the creative process. I could play it safe and repeat what was done previously or take a chance and alter my podcast by adding more sound. 

When I worked in business, the emphasis was on strategy; reaching your objectives, goals and targets set. Rarely was enjoying or understanding the process of the journey in reaching your goal acknowledge.  In this new creative setting the uncertainty of not knowing how the final podcast will be perceived is difficult.

This situation has taught me that despite having a lovely environment to work in and lovely people to deal with, I am continually coping with my own intrusive thoughts in a productive or unproductive way.  This I connect to my childhood experience outlined in my previous blog and being aware of this is the first step to making positive change.

I am not alone in this. Other creative “practitioners revealed how they deal with situations of uncertainty, instability and uniqueness” in their practice (Schön 268).  Frank McGuinness on RTE’S Radio 1 programme ‘Sunday with Miriam’; spoke about his fear and vulnerability regarding his own work – “When you grow up with very little you expect nothing to change.  There are opportunities to take, and you take them with the best face forward.”  His fear relates to losing everything he achieved in an instant but claims “People do their best work when they are frightened”.  Fear was once described to me as False Expectation Appearing Real and can have a debilitating effect on your life and ability. 

Courage to feel my perceived inadequacies and work through them. Justice to create excellent podcasts for each contributor and make it less about me. Patience towards myself to change. Compassion towards myself as a learner. Wisdom to see the bigger picture and put my knowledge into practice which are “interconnected” (20 Thompson and Thompson).

STOP SEEKING PERFECTION: My belief in seeking perfection is changing; in the environment, the people, and in myself. I have learnt that no one is perfect and what I create won’t be perfect but great learning is gained through working hard, considering multiple angles, being open to exploring, and being true to myself and others.

KEEP IT PRACTICAL: “There is a me out there practising in the big world and a reflected me in here in my head thinking about it” (Bolton 43).  There is a very practical element to this learning and it’s to just show up.  The more I develop my practical and technical skills and apply theory to the practice, my ability to create podcasts will improve. I will eventually be accustomed to the process involved it’ll become like my soft skill “unconscious competence” (Burch).

CONTINUE WITH MY CREATIVE JOURNAL, VISION BOARDS AND LISTENING/WATCHING OTHER PEOPLES WORK: Being aware of my own sense of self, my “motivational and emotional state become more relevant” (Pollard 156).  Keeping a creative journal and vision board this year has taught me to like myself and become focused on what I want to achieve. I am not doing this to please other people but doing what is important to me.  Watching and listening to other people and their work also provides a unique perspective and another way of looking at the world.

BE REAL: “Modern biology reveals humans to be fundamentally emotional and social beings … we feel therefore we learn” (Pollard 144). It has revealed that while I might have “self-determination, positivity and self-actualising” qualities I am not self-reliant, I do require support and interaction whether that be through inspiration, practical, technical, or emotional and that’s ok (Rogers 276).  I can work through myself doubt and emotions without giving myself a hard time.  I am lucky to have experienced that.