To mark International Mens Day, School of Nursing and Midwifery Head of School, Prof. Donna Fitzsimons reflects on the connection made between her brother when he was ill and a male nurse, and argues that the profession and our patients would benefit from more men in nursing.
My name is Donna Fitzsimons and I’d like to share a short story with you that as a Head of a busy School of Nursing & Midwifery where less than 10% of our undergraduate students are male, I tend to reflect on quite a lot.
It starts some 20 years ago now, when my brother Joe was 32 and he was diagnosed with a Ewing’s Sarcoma in his spine. This was a big shock to Joe who was an average sort of guy – a builder, married with three kids and a strong circle of family and friends. He was very much a man’s man, if you know what I mean, liked a pint with his mates and a game of golf at the weekend.
From the word ‘Go’, the odds were 50/50 at best, and the gruelling 3 weekly chemo would last almost a year and require a minimum of 3 days hospitalisation for each one. A self-employed guy, Joe had to give up work, he lost his hair and he was pretty sick and sore. Despite that he loved a joke, was competitive on the Mirror Crossword and when I called up to see him at lunchtimes he was usually found begging the nurses to speed the drip and let him out of there. He hated living in pyjamas, wasting daylight and going bald.
More importantly he hated sympathy or being treated as a sick person and that’s where Mark came in. He was a Staff Nurse on the chemo unit, always ready to have chat about his golf game, or seek Joe’s advice on how to fix a leaking flat or get new double glazing. Mark saw beyond the pallid guy pushing a drip around and helped Joe connect with his usual identity. They developed a therapeutic connection that really made that treatment journey less toxic to my brother; and all the more so when the cancer returned – when treatment had to start all over again, and when Joe acknowledged his days were numbered.
In those days Mark came into his own and helped Joe get his head round some of the most challenging of physical and mental issues – usually with a joke or a pat on the back and a palpable ‘we’re in this together’, shoulder to shoulder approach. Mark was a fabulous nurse, he had great empathy and communication skills, exemplifying that these are not gender specific qualities and that they are at the very heart of our professional practice as nurses and midwives.
I often reflect whether this was a gender issue? Were all the female nurses who cared for Joe in such an exemplary way not able to provide the kind of support that he got from Mark, just because they weren’t a man? I don’t really believe that. But what I do believe is that because roughly 50% of patients are men, we need to rectify the gender balance in our profession.
Diversity and inclusion are a top priority for Nursing & Midwifery. I think our professions provide wonderful opportunities for career development and job satisfaction, and despite all of the inherent challenges that we face, we are also privileged to have rewarding and enriching careers. Currently we also have job security and reasonable pensions to enable us to provide for our families. So let’s stop worrying about the optics and do what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do – shout it from the rooftops – patients need men in Nursing & Midwifery and so do the professions.
Prof. Donna Fitzsimons
A very moving and authentic reflection Donna. I think when patients can identify with carers and vice versa it provides comfort as well as helping people to feel comfortable. There is some stigma attached to being a ‘male nurse’ but I think it’s massively outweighed by all the positive experiences.
A moving and personal reflection Donna and very poignant on International Men’s Day – absolutely there is a need for more men in nursing and midwifery too – in all aspects of care whether as patients or as family or carers, men need supported by their own gender to help empower them to express feelings and emotions.
Thank you Donna for allowing us into the life of your brother Joe on this International Men’s Day. It was lovely to see a glimpse of the hidden connection between these two men, Joe and Mark. I am mindful of the many nursing and midwifery colleagues who will continue these relationships today and are supporting others, through difficult times. In this International year of the Nurse and Midwife, it is time to reflect on what men bring to our professions.
If you have ever wondered what the fuss is all about getting men interested in nursing this Blog really brings it home. Thanks for sharing Donna.
Thank you Donna. Absolutely! more men are required in nursing to reflect the population. SWAN initiatives within the SoNM at QUB leading the way.
This is a very beautiful reflection – thank you for sharing Donna.
The SoNM SWAN initiatives are brilliant Helen – we definitely need more men in Nursing and Midwifery.
Thank you Donna for sharing such a personal story – it certainly exemplifies the importance of connection that men in nursing can bring !
This is such as moving and thought provoking blog – thank you for sharing
This is such a touching story Donna-thank you for sharing a very personal reflection. The individuals that we meet as nurses and midwives are from all walks of life and it is so important that the opportunity to connect, identify with or develop a relationship is enabled through our care. Diverse and inclusive professions will help to achieve better care for all.
Personal, heartfelt reflection that captures the ‘essence of nursing’ and ‘connectedness’ which male nurses contribute to the profession. #weneedmoremalenurses
Thank you for sharing such a personal example of the importance of diversity in nursing and midwifery and in being able to make a connection between those who care and those who are being cared for. Heartbreaking and uplifting in equal measure.
Such an important issue shared in a personal and relatable way Donna. I had really only thought of the gender divide in terms of numbers before, rather its potential impact on patient relationships. Thank you for sharing.
This is such a touching reflection, thank you for sharing Donna. It really helps to convey why we need inclusiveness and diversity in nursing.
Donna, thank you for sharing such a personal and poignant reflection. At such a vulnerable time in our lives we would all want someone like Mark, who could connect with our very essence. We need more men in nursing! We need more diversity!
Thank you for sharing this story. I am only embarking on my nursing career with my first placement nearly complete and already I can see massive gaps in the profession that male nurses could fill. It would be great to try and rectify this with some sort of study or recruitment drive as there are so many males out there with the skills needed to fulfil the role and also the drive and desire, the question is what is it that’s holding them back.