Finding My Feet

Sitting in a meeting with a bunch of professionals can be daunting, and incredibly intimidating when you’re a student who is still trying to find her feet in this new workplace. 3..2..1..and its my turn to speak, but I find myself silent while my co-workers stare back at me waiting for me to say something. It’s only a short meeting with people I’ve been working alongside with now for a number of weeks, and I can’t seem to speak up or give any input. I guess I haven’t found my voice yet.

This feeling has to be up there with one of the most awful feelings. It’s almost like stage fright, maybe worse? I started my work placement with Alliance For Choice back in September, and going into this line of work, I was (like any new start) nervous to be a novice among high professionals who had been at their jobs for a long time. Although I settled in well and everyone in AFC was so helpful and welcoming, I still struggled to find my voice and my place. What I mean by struggling to find my voice is I found that my lack of confidence was evident in meetings I attended or in fact when anyone actually spoke to me, sometimes I just froze instead of giving my input and if I didn’t fix it soon, it could have a detrimental effect on my time at Alliance For Choice. This blog will reflect upon my experience of finding my voice using Boud’s Reflective Model through every step of the process.

me killin’ it

Experience

Going into AFC, I was starting out shadowing the co convenor Naomi Connor in meetings for planning upcoming events and also meetings with the creative team about starting an online educational hub on reproductive rights in NI to be taught widely in schools. Already, this seemed intimidating to me as it was a big project that AFC were going to produce and I was on the team working alongside successful creative professionals that knew what they were doing. Walking in as a student, I could only offer the knowledge I knew, and at the time it seemed like I knew nothing compared to these successful people. There’s where the problem started though because I didn’t have much confidence in myself from the start my insecurities started to come through. With my confidence being the ‘first hurdle’ (2) I knew not to give up and keep trying as best I could in giving my opinions in the meetings as this was valuable work experience for myself even if I don’t go into this field of work I knew I still had to make an impression of someone sort to get the best I could out of this work experience as, ‘it is important to remember that all work experience can add value.’ (2).

I attended a lot of meetings, and at the start of my work placement I found myself being unable to speak during most of them, not because I didn’t have anything to say but because I didn’t have the confidence in myself to say what I wanted to even if I would’ve added value to the meetings. Although I had little experience building websites, I knew if I kept not giving my input in these meetings or even talking to the creative team I was working alongside, my time at AFC would be wasted.

Reflective process

As the meetings went on, the problem was still occurring of me not speaking up and I was getting fed up with this problem, so I decided to take action and do something about it. I. Knew I had to fix this one way or another because I was enjoying my work placement and this challenge of overcoming my lack of confidence was holding me back. Addressing these feelings was difficult for me because I’d never been in this situation before and wanted to change it quickly. I talked to Naomi about how I was feeling as I felt like she was like a mentor figure to me through thus experience, she said that she noticed I was quieter in the meetings and she reassured me it was okay to feel this way, she also reassured me that nothing I say is wrong and to have confidence because this team of people would never judge.

After talking to Naomi I felt better, but I knew I would still have to work on this lack of confident in myself on my own as nobody could do it for me.

Outcomes

After addressing the problem and speaking to Naomi, I went and jotted down ideas I had for the next meeting and when it came to the next meeting I was able to talk about a few ideas I had for the educational hub. Seeking out help from Naomi helped me hugely as it made me feel less intimidated and changed how I looked at the team in meetings. I now viewed myself as also part of the team whose word is as important as everyone else’s. I instantly felt more confident and going forward I can now give my input without hesitating. This situation alone, help me build confidence as now I know to trust myself and my own opinions more and moving forward I will have more confidence in myself to speak out. I know if my manage myself correctly that this work experience could give me ‘an abundance of skills, aptitudes, contacts, and confidence.’ (2)

References

(1)Avendaño, D. (2022) Boud Reflection Model, Toolshero. Available at: https://www.toolshero.com/personal-development/boud-reflection-model/ (Accessed: February 18, 2023).

(2) Gregory, Georgina, et al. Careers in Media and Film : The Essential Guide, SAGE Publications, Limited, 2008. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/qub/detail.action?docID=420885.

Beth Sullivan