Learning To Say ‘No’!

Ahhh, The First Day. The day that makes everyone a bit sick at the stomach. The day that your hopes and fears are eliminated… or sometimes confirmed. Will they like me? Will I get lost? Will I forget how to interact normally and lose all grasp of the English language?

Thankfully, for me, the first day went nothing like the above. If anything, it went quite the opposite, a shining example of how all first days should be. My colleagues (seemed) to like me, the building was easy to navigate, the students responded well to my presence, and I was given a clear role. This first day, however, was about to become my best experience to date of my placement setting. Whilst initially I was looked at with wondrous faces, and regarded as ‘the new girl, ’this soon faded as my novelty wore off, like a toy too long out of its box to hold any interest anymore. It was assumed after day one that I would settle in independently and that I was no longer in need of guidance. I felt lost as I struggled to adapt to my new environment. ‘Borton’s model’ of reflection could be used to accurately sum up my placement trajectory thus far.

Description and Self-Awareness:

Acutely aware of my ‘newness,’ I did all I could to fit in at St. John’s. I was terrified to embarrass myself by making a mistake, and even more fearful of coming across as ‘lazy’ or unbothered. This meant offering to help with additional tasks, such as preparing for the school play, lunchtime supervision duty, and much more. My offers, however, soon became replaced with expectations. What was once a friendly favour for a new colleague was now a weekly expectation met with little thanks as I stretched myself across board. In addition to my role of teaching assistant in the English department, I found myself weighing out thirty sets of flour and sugar for the home economics practical on my break, as it was assumed I had “nothing better to do”. This for me was the turning point, as after six weeks of placement I came to realise the importance of setting boundaries.

There was one article in this journal that stood out to me, investigating the reasons why some teachers stay in the profession while others leave. Here, it was pointed out that leavers held beliefs that imposed heavy burdens on themselves, which may have created stress and emotional burnout (Hong, 2009). The study also showed that ‘leavers’ showed weaker self-efficacy beliefs than stayers, who tended to get more support and help from school administrators in addition to setting boundaries with students (Hong, 2009). Another article, written by Jeffrey Barnett in 2008, contradicts this notion, stating that boundary crossing can ‘enrich’ the learning experience. He does, however, quote Debra Borys (1994) who specifies that the boundary crossing must not be to gratify the mentor’s needs but be in the service of the protégé’s professional growth and development (Borys qtd by Barnett, 2008). Having evaluated this newfound information, I decided to develop a plan of action for the next time I was in my placement setting.

Synthesis:

This plan of action constituted a change in behaviour in my part. I sat in my usual spot on Friday morning and, as break-time came, I waited patiently for the litany of tasks that were about to come my way. Keeping in mind what I had learned, I politely yet firmly declined the offer of any additional tasks, stating I would be available after break time if they still needed my help. This garnered some disgruntled looks, followed by a disapproving moment of pause. Despite this, I remained unfazed, sipping my tea as I felt eyes from around the room burning a hole in my brightly coloured blazer. While at the time this felt scary, afterwards I shared a secret moment of pride with myself as I basked in the knowledge that I had set my very first boundary in the workplace.

   As the weeks continued, I found myself becoming bolder, moving onto phase two of my plan; rejecting tasks that did not benefit my personal development but rather gratified the needs of my superiors. This was more difficult, as while I knew the importance of showing myself to be a team-player, I also understood the difference between helping others and being taken advantage of. On days where I was particularly overstretched, rather than agreeing to lighten yet another teacher’s workload, I would ask those in need of a favour if the task was related to the English department. If this was not the case, I told them I needed to prioritise English related work first. This line was simple yet effective, as they slowly stopped asking me for ‘favours,’ accepting I had my own workload.

After this, my time on placement became significantly more enjoyable, as I felt like a fully respected member of staff, with a heightened value placed on my time. I no longer dreaded going into my placement setting. On the occasions when I did agree to help another staff member out, they were much more appreciative of the effort I had went to and viewed me as a team-player. I learned a lot from this experience, as whilst setting boundaries can be difficult and uncomfortable, they are a necessary part of preventing burnout and protecting your own interests as a placement student. Though striking the balance between compromise and refusal is important, this is all key in the delivery of your response and there are a world of ways to say ‘No’ politely. Sometimes standing your ground is the best choice you can make.

Works Cited

Barnett, J.E. (2008). Mentoring, boundaries, and multiple relationships: opportunities and challenges. Mentoring & Tutoring: Partnership in Learning, 16(1), pp.3–16. https://doi.org/10.1080/13611260701800900

Hong, J.Y. (2012). Why do some beginning teachers leave the school, and others stay? Understanding teacher resilience through psychological lenses. Teachers and Teaching, 18(4), pp.417–440. https://doi.org/10.1080/13540602.2012.696044