It is possible to feel isolated or lonely even when surrounded by people. Accessible Learning and Wellbeing Drop-in would regularly see students who say that they struggle with connection at university. This could be for many reasons- students who have taken a year out and find themselves in class with a new cohort; students who commute from home and don’t feel like they have the same experience as those living on site; students who are far from home and feel disconnected from the culture or humour; or mature students who don’t believe they have anything in common with their younger classmates. There are also those who simply find it harder in a social setting because of their introverted nature. Not everyone finds it easy to open a conversation with a group of strangers. Some feel physically sick at the idea of small talk in a crowded room.
Part of our role in Drop-in is to signpost students to services or activities that can help with their difficulties. Usually when a student speaks of feeling lonely, staff would highlight the many activities or events where one can meet other likeminded individuals. There is no shortage of opportunities for this in Queen’s. Between daily events in Accommodation, the SU, Clubs and Societies, International Student Guides and sports activities, students could have a full social calendar. The difficulty comes with gathering the confidence and motivation to turn up, especially on your own. There are so many students in Drop-in who say that this is something they struggle with. Many cite an introverted personality and a difficulty ‘fitting in’. Some say that the problem is organisation skills to attend. Some use the term ‘social anxiety’. Identifying opportunities and attending them are two different things. It is for this reason that the need for Social Prescribing was identified. Social Prescribing is established in many community settings and the QUB SU aim to get this programme model up and running in the next few months. Elaine, the Social Prescriber will work with students during a series of sessions to connect them with opportunities based on their needs. There will then be an aftercare service so students can stay connected after they have moved on from individual support. Initially, students will need to be referred by partners like Student Wellbeing or Disability Services. The Social Prescriber will also work closely with QUB Active Lifestyle programme.
Another programme students are regularly signposted to when they speak of loneliness is Handy Helpers. This is a volunteering programme run through the SU. Events are posted on Eventbrite so students can sign up per activity rather than commit time for an ongoing period. There is a social element to each event as well as the feeling of giving back to the community. One reason it works so well is that there is no pressure to socialise. Taking part in a task means that chat happens naturally rather than requiring small talk in a social setting.
Here are some things to think about if you are feeling lonely:
- Consider what ‘loneliness’ means for you. Are you surrounded by people that you don’t engage with meaningfully, or do you spend most of your time alone? Do you want to spend more time with people or do you feel you should spend more time with people because it is expected? Understanding this can lead to your plan of action.
- Consider what you are comfortable with. There is a difference between fitting in and belonging. (Brene Brown has some helpful reading matter on this!) There is no need to make yourself uncomfortable in order to be part of a group. It can be easier to connect with people if they have a similar set of values to you.
- Consider the places you might connect with people- events, activities, clubs, societies, part-time work, volunteering, class activities. It may feel vulnerable to attend or to ask someone to meet for coffee, but if you do what you have always done, you will get what you’ve always got!
- If you are struggling (such as your motivation and mood is low), ask for help. You can visit us in the Drop-in or you can try one of the programmes mentioned. If you have been suffering with low mood for more than a couple of weeks, consider seeking advice from your GP.
For further information on the topics discussed, please see the links below:
What’s On | Queen’s University Belfast (qub.ac.uk)
Handy Helpers | QSU (qubsu.org)
Active Campus | Queen’s Sport | Queen’s University Belfast (queenssport.com)