Loneliness

It is self-evident that the issue of loneliness is ringing alarm bells across society today. Technological interconnectedness raises big questions: Does it hinder connectivity? Or, does a world brimmed of capitalistic rapaciousness reproduce loneliness? Research largely suggests both to be so. Loneliness has come to the forefront of all our minds with the onset of quarantine. We feel the need to stay connected with our friends and loved ones…possibly now more than ever! This may indeed be true for those that have grandparents, especially with their mandatory confinement to their homes. Our need to stay in touch may suggest our worriedness for them being or becoming lonely and could also reflect our empathy and love for them. (This reminds me: I must
contact my Grandpa tonight!)

I read somewhere that our need to stay connected should not be reversed when we return to normality— and we shouldn’t ignore loners or those on societies fringes. Contrastingly, Goodwin Hawkins & Meher state what normality is blighted by in their article:

Loners (see: young, male, radicalized) are framed as a danger to be noticed and addressed and, in more benign urgencies, loneliness is the substance of ever multiplying government and think tank reports, a problem that vaguely defined ‘thems’ and ‘theys’ are increasingly urged to do more to tackle (Goodwin-Hawkins & Meher, 2019, p. 118).

It is rewarding to see and hear of so many charitable acts across society, like millions singing up to volunteering, or more small-scale acts of generosity like doing shopping for neighbours. We don’t know what the world will be like after this, but without trying to sound trite, it is a time to self-reflect and ask questions of ourselves and others — hopefully a causation of change for the better.

Meher & Goodwins broadly define loneliness to be a lack of sociality and intersubjectivity (Goodwin-Hawkins & Meher, 2019, p. 114). If loneliness is to be taken as a lack of something, then it might be hard to define. Indeed, you’d have to have a lack of loneliness to contrast it to what it is like to feel lonely. Moreover, we can reflect on our own experiences to understand loneliness better; but not all of us always feel lonely (if ever?). Before writing this article, I questioned my own understanding of loneliness. I’d almost say I’m privileged having consistently had good friends and family around me, but to say that I’ve never felt lonely would be naïve and superficially confident. Unlike what we may be inclined to believe, we can’t always be social. If perceived as a lack of sociality, loneliness could be more ubiquitous than one may presuppose, and not merely confined to the elderly or those who’re alone. We want to stay in touch with friends and often think about them, but to our discomfort, there will be times when we find ourselves disconnected and feeling lonely.

Loneliness could also come in the form of longing for a time in the past, a certain epoch; “to feel lonely can mean feeling apart from some imagined, or remembered, or longed-for social coherence (Goodwin-Hawkins & Meher, 2019, p. 119).” Social media seems replete with the kind of ‘take me back to Wessi Beach’ dialogue, which exists as a social figment of imagination in the person’s mind. If you didn’t already guess: Wessi Beach isn’t real (at least I don’t think it is), but it helps paint a picture of how a longing for the past or somewhere elsewhere is evoked by a feeling of detachment and longed for social coherence, which one may think is lacking in the present, thus inducing a feeling of loneliness.

We shouldn’t trivialise the concept of loneliness; it is more fraught for some than others. But that doesn’t lessen its lethality. Unfortunately, the elderly is vulnerable due to isolation and we shouldn’t turn our backs on them. My two grandparents tragically died during a civil war—amongst other factors, due to loneliness.

My other Grandfather has complained of feeling lonely as of late. He’s always had quite a resolute and zany demeanour, and seems to have been taking his matters of loneliness into his own hands; this was said in an email he sent me:

As for isolation my only human contact is making chatty remarks to those I meet (but do not get too near) in the park. Almost everybody is highly responsive, even the joggers to whom I say “Don’t you know it is illegal to run, you are only allowed to
walk”.

Whilst this might not be advisable to all who are feeling lonely, humour can be one of those most beautiful things to alleviate you from a difficult situation, and it’s good that Grandpa sees the funny side of isolation (as hopefully the jogger did too!).

At a time of quarantine and mired in uncertainty, we shouldn’t turn our back on our loved ones—for they are our fabric…maybe a popularisation of distant socialising instead of social distancing would better encapsulate our collective pursuits.

Bibliography:

Goodwin-Hawkins, B., & Meher, M. (2019). Epistolary Fragments for an Anthropology of Loneliness. Irish Journal of Anthropology, 114-121.