We all try our best to achieve perfection in our lives, but the truth is, absolute perfection is unattainable. Though it is common knowledge that no one can ever be perfect, there are people who set unachievable standards for themselves. It was only during my reflection that I finally admitted to myself I am one of them. Using Gibbs’ reflective cycle, we will recall an event during the early stages of my work placement which made me realise that my anxiousness is deeply rooted in failing to achieve the high standards I’ve set for myself.

My work placement in SARC Media Team began not long ago. In this work placement, we livestream concerts held in either the Sonic Lab or in the Harty Room. Our responsibilities consist of setting up and operating the cameras, preparing the livestream, directing, vision mixing and monitoring the live. Broadcasting concerts were manageable since the tasks were distributed. Having said that, we’ll be reflecting on an incident which happened while multitasking on the job for the first time.

From the very start, there has been a conflict in my schedule. I had to leave concerts early to arrive on my lecture on time. I felt bad for not being able to help my team tidy the equipment so when I heard that there would be an evening concert the next day, I didn’t hesitate to volunteer. This was my chance to make it up to them. The next day came and upon arriving in the Sonic Lab, I noticed that my supervisor, Aisling McGeown, and the audio supervisor were the only people present.

Even though I was aware that my team wouldn’t be attending, I was expecting substitutes to assist the concert. I suddenly felt nervous, my hands started sweating, and the pressure weighed on my shoulder as realisation struck me, I would be doing the livestream alone! Yes, Aisling would be there to supervise and monitor the livestream but apart from that I would be in charge of operating PTZ (Pan, Tilt, Zoom) cameras, setting up the live and vision mixing. The fact that it was an inaugural lecture added to my uneasiness as I didn’t want to make any mistake on an important event.

Nonetheless, I proceeded to set up the livestream and the opening was smooth sailing. It was halfway through the live when I made the mistake of showing the end slide instead of the lecture slide he was discussing. My heart was beating rapidly, and I felt my blood rushed through my body. I quickly changed it back to the camera and kept on apologising. Despite Aisling reassuring me that it was fine, I still felt like I didn’t do a good job. After the concert finished, I was still thinking about the mistake, even considering an alternate reality. What if I didn’t show the end slide? What if I didn’t volunteer to do the live? It might’ve been perfect!

No matter how much I wanted to go back in time, the past is unchangeable. However, I learnt a few things from that experience. Both good and bad.

1. I learnt how to multitask. According to Courage et al. “multitasking enables (and is necessary for) the high-level efficiency and productivity that are essential for successful competition in contemporary work and learning environments” (6). By carrying out tasks alone that’s supposed to be a team assignment, I learnt to be more efficient, productive and creative of my time.
2. Mistakes can be turned into learnings. As Harteis et al. claim, “mistakes nevertheless offer the potential for learning through practice, experiences that could be used by organisations and by employees to improve their practices” (223). I learnt that I shouldn’t dwell on my mistakes, rather I should use it as a starting point to improve so I won’t make the same error in the future.
3. Staying calm and finishing the task. One feedback that I got from Aisling was a compliment on staying calm when I made the mistake. I probably seemed calm to her as I swiftly composed myself and proceeded to do the live. Some might’ve taken a step back and left the task incomplete, but I persevered and pushed through regardless of how nervous I was.
4. Failing to prepare means preparing to fail. I came to the concert unprepared, not knowing the details of what I would be broadcasting. I should’ve done more research on it so I wouldn’t have been taken aback.

Reflection

Reflecting on it now, the anxiety I felt throughout the concert points to my fear of making a mistake. Growing up in a low-income household, education had always been important. I had been constantly told to study rigorously so I could have a good future. I had nothing against it as we saw education “as the only path to climbing up a socioeconomic ladder” (Nsiah 19). In our country, diploma equalled to a decent job that could feed the family good food. As unfair as it sounds, it was the way of living. So, I studied hard and, as a result, I would get good grades. But good wasn’t perfect. My family didn’t pressure me to get perfect scores but when I started to be at the top of my class, I noticed some changes. They started telling me “I’m so proud of you” or they would mention to others that I was at the top of my class. That’s when I realised that I had to do more to receive recognition from them, so I created high standards to keep myself in check. This attitude closely relates to the study of Ocampo et al. where they state, “Individuals with high levels of perfectionism are often preoccupied with evaluating their self‐worth in relation to their own exceptionally high standards of accomplishment and productivity” (48). Some may view the anxiety I felt irrelevant, but for people like me, situations “which presages a high frequency of mistakes” (Thompson 645) are stressful. The fear of failure caused by my perfectionism was the catalyst of my anxiousness.

Conclusion

So, what could have I done in the situation? Before starting, I could’ve asked for the concert details, so I would’ve been more prepared by researching relevant information that would’ve been helpful in the way I directed the live. During my free time, I could’ve carefully studied the setup of the livestream and planned how I should approach the event instead of wasting the time thinking what could go wrong. More importantly, I could’ve ignored the mistake I made rather than highlighting it. Keeping the thought of failure at the back of my head affected the way I performed. According to Sarah Coles, our fear of failure “stunts creativity” (183). This was clearly apparent in my situation as I focused more in avoiding making another mistake that I prevented myself from being creative. As Coles further claims that failure “is a vital driving mechanism to the creative process, and indeed the creative person must make a lifelong commitment to failing” (184). It’s an interesting outlook to a failure but it makes sense. I now look at it this way, if there weren’t any failure, there wouldn’t be a learning; if there weren’t any learning, there wouldn’t be an improvement.

Action Plan

Having experienced such incident, I now feel confident in performing tasks alone. In the future, should this kind of problem arise again, I would know what to do. I would be better-informed about the event and the tasks I would be carrying out to prevent myself from panicking. I would also improve my multitasking skills so I could handle various responsibilities given to me at the same time. Learning more in depth how to operate equipment will also be helpful to develop these skills since it would be easier to multitask if I were more accustomed. This skill is important to me as a learner because I’d be aware of what to do which will make me less anxious. In case I would make any mistake, though I would still be nervous, I wouldn’t think or focus on how to prevent another mistake. Instead, I would learn from it and let it go so I could move forward without any restriction. This time, I would let my creativity be part of what I will be doing. I would also be kinder to myself, eliminating the unachievable standards I created so there would be room for mistakes which is essential to me as a practitioner because mistakes are potential learning which will lead to improvements.

To end this blog post, I want to leave you Baer and Shaw’s quotation, “pursuing perfection is… also an obligation to us. We form ourselves as we work toward perfection. If we tolerate mediocrity, we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop fully.” (1215). This isn’t implying that we should be perfect. Rather, we should continue to improve ourselves so we can achieve our full potential. Not by setting high standards for ourselves, but by understanding that mistakes are necessary for improvement.

Works Cited

Baer, Markus, and Jason D. Shaw. “From the Editors: Falling in Love Again with What We Do: Academic Craftsmanship in the Management Sciences.” The Academy of Management Journal, vol. 60, no. 4, 2017, pp. 1213-7. JStor, https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2017.40. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Coles, Sarah. ““Fail Again. Fail Better.” Failure in the Creative Process.” Athens Journal of Humanities & Arts, vol. 1, no. 3, 2014, pp. 183-92, https://www.atiner.gr/journals/humanities/2014-1-3-1-Cole.pdf. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Courage, Mary, et al. “Growing up multitasking: The costs and benefits for cognitive development.” Department of Psychology, vol. 35, no. 1, 2015, pp. 5-41. ScienceDirect, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2014.12.002. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Harteis, Christian, et al. “The culture of learning from mistakes: How employees handle mistakes in everyday work.” International Journal of Educational Research, vol. 47, no. 4, 2008, pp. 223-31. ScienceDirect, doi:10.1016/j.ijer.2008.07.003. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Nsaih, Hayford. “Fear of Failure and the Academic Performance of Students from Low-Income Families.” International Journal of Education and Social Science, vol. 4, no. 10, 2017, pp. 19-26, https://web.archive.org/web/20180410041939id_/http:/www.ijessnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/3.pdf. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Ocampo, Anna Carmella, et al. “The relentless pursuit of perfectionism: A review of perfectionism in the workplace and an agenda for future research.” The Job Annual Review and Conceptual Development Issue, vol. 41, no. 2, 2019, pp. 93-234. Wiley Online Library, https://doi.org/10.1002/job.2400. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.

Thompson, Ted, et al. “Impostor fears and perfectionistic concern over mistakes.” Personality and Individual Differences, vo. 29, no. 4, 2000, pp. 629-47. ScienceDirect, https://doi.org/10.1016/S0191-8869(99)00218-4. Accessed 16 Nov 2023.