My brain is sizzled


Source: https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/businessmans-head-bursts-in-flames-representing-emotional-stress-or-even-a-headache-gm1465395732-497821664

There were a lot of nerves surrounding securing a work placement and needless to say I was just as relieved as I was excited when I contacted Martha O’Kane and began a placement at Walk On Air Films.

Source: https://www.walkonairfilms.com/

However, shortly after starting my placement the nerves returned with a vengeance. After a couple of quiet weeks, I sat in on a development meeting and was instructed to make a sizzle reel for one of the ideas. All of the nerves I had prior to starting immediately returned, and while I love editing, I have never edited outside of university let alone a full production company. In order to best reflect on my experience, I will employ Boud’s model of reflection as “The model points to the starting point and objects of reflection… the ideas of which learners are aware and the feelings which they have experienced.” (Boud, 20).

(Boud, 36)

Experience

My first development meeting started with me briefly being introduced to some other employees at Walk On Air before they started throwing ideas. I was furiously scribbling notes to keep up with the pace of the meeting until all eyes fell on me. While the meeting had been light hearted, a deadly seriousness fell on the group as I was instructed not to let any of the ideas leave that meeting. Ideas are a production company’s greatest weapon after all. Martha then told her co-workers that I was an aspiring editor so I was given one of the ideas to make a sizzle reel for. At the time I was thrilled though shortly after the meeting doubt crept in. I have never edited a sizzle reel, never edited anything professionally, and I suddenly wasn’t even sure if I knew how to edit.

Source: https://www.noblebisonproductions.com/blog/what-is-a-sizzle-reel

But I wasn’t going to let this phase me, so I scoured the web for every possible bit of footage I could use for my edit and got stuck in. “TV editing on modern software is extremely versatile, and elaborate effects can be achieved relatively quickly.” (Hudson, 285) but the pressure I felt to make this edit immaculate meant my results were not relatively quick. After many stressful yet satisfying hours I had completed my sizzle reel and was feeling proud. While still anxious I emailed my finished (or so I thought) product to Martha and her team and they let me know that we would talk it over on my next placement day. Needless to say that talk was not exactly what I hoped.

“Not bad for a first attempt!”

“That doesn’t work there”

“We don’t see enough from this perspective… but the music is great!”

I left the meeting feeling defeated but with that defeat came motivation and I returned to my edit. From the feedback I left no stone unturned, made every change, however slight, that was even whispered during the meeting and eventually I had my second edit. I was nervous to send it but every change that had been requested was done so the email was sent. At the next development meeting, they were all content with the changes I had made but in a cruel twist of fate they decided the idea itself needed amended. I couldn’t believe it, one of the fundamental themes behind the sizzle reel was no longer required which completely changed how it should have been framed. So, with a new angle I edited again.

Edit. Email sent. Meeting.

“It’s lost some of the magic of your original edit.”

“I think the idea is still lacking. Frame it like this.” My edit was weaker and the idea changed again. Once again I restart the process. By this point I was starting to acknowledge that this process may take more time than I thought.

REFLECTION

Source: https://www.motivii.com/blog/the-power-of-reflection

“It is a natural drive to want to avoid these stressful feelings, so we reflect on what has happened in order to learn from our experience and change our behaviour”

(Jasper, 15)

Throughout my sizzling experience there were many feelings to reflect on. As Jasper states “Guiding the whole reflective process is the desire to come to a deeper understanding about something that has happened to us” (5) and I realised there was much for me to unpack. I was somewhat naïve upon going into my placement, I don’t know fully how the industry functions. One aspect of this was the feedback I received on my edits. After the first one the criticism left me a upset with my pride hurt more than I expected. With time I know that the criticism was constructive, by no means was it an attack on me nor something I should be offended by. But at the time I was offended, the feedback was quick and almost felt dismissive of my efforts. However, the more time I have spent at Walk On Air the more I have got to know both the industry itself and the people working there. They are all lovely, friendly people so when they seemingly shot down my edit I thought I wasn’t good enough. But I saw the feedback they gave each other and realised this was not the case at all; there are only so many hours in a day and things must get done for deadlines to the best quality possible. So when anyone is getting feedback in a meeting the feedback is quick so that it can be actioned quickly and it is without any attack, it is to create the best product. It’s a collaborative effort; now that I understand this I feel less anxiety and more pride in my edits.

I had also assumed ideas for projects were like my university experience so far whereby once you settle on one that’s it being developed for a semester or two. But in the industry ideas are a lot more fluid, constantly evolving until everyone unanimously agrees that it is ready. Having to change my sizzle due to factors outside my control such as ideas changing was something I honestly found incredibly frustrating, after a couple of drafts of the sizzle reel I felt like I knew the characters in it on an almost personal level and then having to just scrap them at the drop of a hat after making them fit was demoralising. However, this is exactly the point of the placement, it is a learning curve for my future. My goals are the same as Walk On Air’s, to make the best content possible so there is no sense feeling annoyed about re-jigging an edit because of changing ideas. Instead I feel motivated and proud because they are trusting me to do the re-jigging.

OUTCOMES

Source: https://blogs.kcl.ac.uk/kingscareers/keep-moving-forward-how-to-stay-motivated-when-things-dont-go-as-planned/

“Some benefits of reflection may be lost if they are not linked to action”

(Boud, 35)

From my reflections there is much to take forward. Firstly, is my response to constructive criticism. I realise I get defensive when criticised, especially when it is something I take pride in. However, this criticism is to help me do my best and going forward I will be able to detach my personal feelings when getting criticism and take it upon myself to learn and improve. I also tend to focus on the negatives, for example when given feedback for my edits I paid no attention to what I was told I did well. Although this did let me focus on changing the edits I have learnt to also remind myself that there is praise in there as well. They are not expecting an immediate cinematic masterpiece from me so going forward I will acknowledge the good with the bad.

In regard to changing ideas, this is just the nature of the beast, no production is ever finished on its first draft. While I could see the way the story was to flow, I neglected to think about other factors such as what commissioners would be looking for. So, although it may be something I have invested time in, it is not as though no one else is investing time in it also. Moving on I will be able to get less sentimentally attached to each edit and view them through a more pragmatic lens.

My expectations will also be reeled in moving forward. I was irritated by having to change the edit and within that forgot to feel grateful for the opportunity to work on it in the first place. As Boud states “In reflection we choose, implicitly or explicitly, what to take for granted” (148) and through my reflection I will not take for granted the opportunities provided to me. Every day I am learning something new, and sitting in on meetings and strengthening my editing skills are exactly what I could hope for. Instead of stressing and getting wound up I am now determined to make the absolute best sizzle reel that we can make.

To conclude I am excited to see just how much more I can learn during my time at Walk On Air and I absolutely cannot wait for the day that my sizzle reel is finally complete.

References

Bibliography

Boud, David, et al. Reflection: Turning Experience into Learning. Routledge, 1985.

Hudson, Gary and Sarah Rowlands. The broadcast journalism handbook. Routledge, 2007.

Jasper, Melanie. Beginning reflective practice. Cengage Learning, 2013.

Images

Dixon, Stephanie. Keep moving forward. Kings Careers, 26/07/2022, https://blogs.kcl.ac.uk/kingscareers/keep-moving-forward-how-to-stay-motivated-when-things-dont-go-as-planned/, 11/11/2023.

No artist credited on website. What is a sizzle reel? Noble Bison, 30/09/2021, https://www.noblebisonproductions.com/blog/what-is-a-sizzle-reel, 11/11/2023.

Rapideye. Businessman’s head bursts in flames, representing emotional stress or even a headache stock photo. istock, 13/02/2023, https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/businessmans-head-bursts-in-flames-representing-emotional-stress-or-even-a-headache-gm1465395732-497821664, 11/11/2023.

Tuhami, Eamon. The power of reflection is the most important skill you’ll learn. Motivii, 2022, https://www.motivii.com/blog/the-power-of-reflection, 11/11/2023.


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