3rd Blog Post

Overcoming Behind-the-Scenes Anxieties

When I first started my placement at Cahoots, I initially panicked, because I had never done a placement of any kind before. I’ve worked with theatre companies before, but primarily as a performer, so doing things backstage consisted of helping the children with their makeup, hair and costumes; there was never anything to ‘link learning to the real world, even though it was tailored to the organization (Cunningham, I, et al., Pp 7)‘ I was a part of. So when I first arrived at Cahoots, I was completely unfamiliar with the backstage aspect of theatre, such as marketing. Using the Gibbs Reflective Cycle, I’ll go back and reflect on how I was able to overcome the challenges of my first days working in a behind-the-scenes environment, especially in regards to the anxiety that I faced when first working with Cahoots.

Feelings and Evaluation

Gibbs’ Reflective Model

In this evaluation of my time at Cahoots, I realize that the main challenge I faced was getting over my anxieties in regards to working with a company of people I’ve never worked with before. Growing up as a performer, I’d been so used to being onstage, that being behind the scenes was completely new to me. Looking at everything from start to finish, I realize that I started off very insecure and anxious about working with a theatre company, especially considering the only behind-the-scenes experience I’d ever had was with my dance company back home, and that was mainly helping the children that danced with us with their makeup, hair and costumes, and that the only actual ‘learning’ experience I’d ever really had was academic. In that aspect, my idea of learning was very much ‘deliberate learning… within educational institutions (Boud, D, et al, Pp 18)‘, which is where I tend to thrive the most; I admit, I’m not very good at learning outside of a classroom.

I was so nervous about my first day, I went down to Yorkgate a week before to find it, just so I knew where to go, walked around the entire Cityside complex, and didn’t find it, which only made my anxiety get worse. I emailed Emma that afternoon and told her I’d gone looking for it, but couldn’t find it, and she said that they were fairly well hidden, and that she could come meet me the next day to show me around.

The next week, when I was supposed to start, I arrived an hour and a half early, because I was so worried I’d be late. My first day at Cahoots was nerve-wracking, especially considering I didn’t know what I was going to be walking into. Emma met me at the Costa across the street, and we talked about my experience with children’s theatre as she showed me through Cityside and into Cahoot’s office. As we talked, I slowly began to relax, because the atmosphere seemed to be very relaxed, while still being very focused. Every person that I met was very welcoming and nice that first day, and tried their hardest to put me at ease, seeing how nervous I was. My nervousness didn’t go away the entire day, but Emma and Paul did help to alleviate my nerves with conversation and coffee. This has continued to now, which has definitely helped me to adjust to the environment and to working with them.

Analysis

Going back and analysing those first days, I can now say that I definitely let my anxiety get the better of me. I was so worried about getting things wrong that I let my perfectionism get the better of me, experiencing a massive ‘loss of confidence… in the existing situation (Boud, D, et al, Pp 19)‘ that nearly led me to quit the first day- and that led to the point where Emma finally took me aside and let me know that I did not need everything to be perfect. Given that I was also exceedingly nervous in those first days, Emma took to giving me tasks that would keep me occupied- such as looking up schools and community centers that could have been good test audiences for Grimm Hotel, or researching companies that could make shirts- and would help me release some of my anxiety (such as running around the city, searching for clothing companies).

Getting the chance to help with behind-the-scenes work such as shirt searching gave me a good chance to see how the inner workings of a theatre company truly takes place in regards to marketing and marketing. I started out with distributing flyers for Cahoot’s production of Grimm Hotel, something easy and that I could get done fairly quick, that didn’t involve much effort. Emma learned really fast that I would be the intern that would need to be slowly given harder tasks over time, otherwise I would get overwhelmed. Once I finished distributing the flyers, she then gave me the task of the t-shirt hunt- which was essentially my search for custom t-shirt companies in Belfast that would be able to give a good estimate of their price of twenty-five custom volunteer t-shirts for Grimm Hotel that our volunteers would wear.

While I came up with a short list (there are not many custom t-shirt companies in Belfast, surprisingly), I was also surprised when Emma asked me if “I had had fun getting to see the city a bit more (Wilson, Emma, Cahoots, Oct 2021)“, and it had taken me a couple weeks to before I finally figured out that she had given me this task, not just to price t-shirts, but so that I would see the city as well, because I had mentioned in an earlier conversation that I hadn’t seen much of it in nearly three years of living here. They were willing to let me engage in not just work, but things such as site-seeing under the guise of fulfilling tasks, which made working with them much more enjoyable. Upon evaluating my time at Cahoots, I realize now that the environment I went into was, while very serious and business-oriented, also had a very relaxed air about it, which helped to put me at ease.

Over my time at Cahoots, my anxiety quickly went away, especially when it came to working on the marketing for the current show. Emma gave me the task of looking up facts on space, blackholes, stars, planets and astronauts to put into #FactFriday posts for Facebook that would be put up while the show was touring in America. Being able to do things that put my strength of researching to good use helped to my anxiety greatly since I love to research, and I was able to come up with several different little posts that could be used.

Various #FactFridays posts, created over the month of February, Smith, Lauren Rae, 2022.

Conclusion

To conclude, I’ve discovered that my anxiety over working with Cahoots went from exceedingly high to very moderate over the course of the year. I’ve discovered that my lack of confidence is normal, as are my anxieties; my ‘dissatisfaction… reconsideration… and inner discomfort (Boud, D, et al, Pp 19)‘ were all put at ease over the course of those first few weeks thanks to Emma giving me the tasks of ‘searching, hunting … and inquiring to find material that will resolve the doubt (Boud, D, et al, Pp 19)‘ that were things I could do on my own and take my time with, which would help to lessen my anxiety. I’ve come to realize that as long as I have something to help focus my anxiety, I can keep it under control, and Emma has learned that as long as she gives me something such as a research-involved project, I give her back my best work.

Bibliography

Boud, David, et al. Reflection, Turning Experience into Learning. Kogan Page, 1985.

Cunningham, Ian, et al. The Handbook of Work Based Learning. Gower Publishing Limited. England. 2004.

Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle. https://www.ed.ac.uk/reflection/reflectors-toolkit/reflecting-on-experience/gibbs-reflective-cycle. University of Edinburgh.

Smith, Lauren Rae. #FactFriday post. 12/02/2022.

Wilson, Emma. Cahoots NI Productions. October 2021.

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